Blogging for LGBT Families 2009
I learned late last night that June 1 (today) is Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 and now, here I sit with just about an hour left to crank out a post. As Florida Evans from Good Times would say…”Damn damn damn!”
Given that it takes me a good week-at-a-time to write anything coherent, this is not going to be easy. I’m thinking “brief and to the point” should be my motto for the next hour or so, otherwise I might as well just save this post for 2010.
So here goes…
Who Are We?
For those who are new to the blog (or just need a refresher): We are two 40-something men with one 2 1/2 year old foster son (“T”) and three dogs. T came to us at 9 months old back in October 2007. Reunification is the current plan for T, but if he were to become available for adoption, we’d do so in a heartbeat. The parenting/fostering journey has been full of great highs and devastating lows (many of which we have chronicled here), but we continue to press on with the hope that someday soon we can remove the “foster” from our title as parents.
Labels and Categories
I’m the Drop-off and Pick-up dad, the Saturday pancakes dad, and the Boogie Wonderland dad. Juan is the Sesame Street on Youtube dad, the Salamanders Under the Rocks dad, and the Piggyback Rides dad. We both are Oh My God, This Kid is Exhausting dads. I can’t speak for Juan, but I have to admit that I rarely think about myself as a Gay Dad.
The Alleged Gayby Boom, Friends and Kids
None of my long-time gay male friends has kids. I sometimes imagine one of them calling me up to say that he has started his own journey to parenthood. It would be lovely to go through this process with one or more of them, but so far, no one has been bitten by the supposed gayby boom bug. It would be especially encouraging to see more gay black men in my life become fathers.
The Things We Think About
Old fixer-upper vs. new move-in ready. Urban vs acres. Private. Public. Black, white or biracial. East coast or west. Nap or do. 1 or 2…or 3.
Weekends
Lately, our weekends have been a drain. Too much doing. Too much frustration. Too much sweating of the small stuff. I talked to a friend today who is facing the same dilemma within her family. Her idea…make the weekdays be about work and the weekends about fun. She plans on doing things like grocery shopping and other chores during the week. Sounds like a good idea. Is it possible though?
Two Year Olds and Dogs
T’s new-found independence and desire to be the Master of His Own Universe has had a big impact on everything, including quality time with the dogs. There is none. This weekend, I felt like I barely looked at the dogs because I was too busy chasing or entertaining the Master. I hate that things have turned out this way. I miss my dogs and I can tell they miss us. This too will pass.
Five Kids and Five Acres
When we started this journey, Juan and I talked about how great it would be to have a bunch of kids and live in big old house on a bunch of acres. The idea of a house full of kids with lots of room to run outside seemed lovely to me. But lately, it seems like we can barely make it through a weekend without feeling absolutely exhausted. And we only have one kid! How the hell could we manage 2 or 3, never mind 5?
A Suggestion for Anti-Gay Folks
I few days ago, I stumbled upon an NPR segment that, from what I could tell, was somehow related to same sex marriage. When I tuned in, the host was asking one guest if she was for or against same sex marriage. The guest sort of muddled through a response, saying that people have a right to choose certain activities. She said the word with something that sounded like distaste laced with a bit of disapproval. And then she continued bumbling around a bit more about choice and choosing and the right to be able to make a choice blah blah blah. She never really did answer the question.
Anyways, her response reminded me that there is a certain ick-factor that people have about same-sex relationships. For many anti-gay folks, our relationships are all about sex. I guess they think we have nothing else to do but boink around like bunnies all day.
Well if they are concerned about our “activities”, I suggest they come up with a new strategy against us. They should champion our relationships and advocate that we have as many children as possible. Intimacy and “activities” seem to diminish exponentially in relation to the number of children.
Marriage
We talk about doing it. And then we don’t. We scout out rings and then get all excited about the idea. And then we don’t. We watch movies with great weddings (like the one in Rachel Gets Married) and fantasize about our own nuptials. And then we don’t. I’m getting the itch again though. Juan, are you reading this??
Happy Blogging for LGBT Families Day!
The Daddy Diaries 
3 comments
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June 2, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Nichole
My best friend is gay. He’s been talking about having multiple children since we were in high school. Men have a ticking clock too, I’m just waiting for him to find someone to share that life with 🙂
Like every other prejudice people that are anti-gay don’t have an understanding of what it means to be gay. They don’t open their minds and listen.
June 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Dan in WI
I totally missed that it was LGBT Family Blogging Day. That wasn’t on the copy of the Gay Agenda I was issued. Besides, isn’t EVERY day LGBT Family Blogging Day for you guys? 🙂
I think 1 kid (10 yo) is exhausting, too. And I think the work increases superlinearly, because you aren’t raising 2 separate kids in isolation–now you have to deal with intrafamilial sibling dynamics! I say that not knowing; perhaps they entertain one another.
Re: the gayby boom. We have a handful of acquaintances (men, women, couples) who have become parents through various means. The system has referred us to another couple. But our closest friends are busy with other projects, some more serious than others. And we haven’t had the outpouring of offers to babysit we might have expected and that our workers and straight friends seem to expect (but we have had a couple genuine offers).
Re: grocery shopping–Option 1 is that I do it after bedtime. The window before the local co-op natural foods store is small, though, so I’m now one of THOSE people who is shopping 5 minutes before closing. The other day, I spaced out and when the cashier asked, I could not remember our member number. The warehouse store is open 24 hours but I really try not to take advantage of that.
Option 2 is to take the kid along and work out some energy, work in some reading, and practice saying “no” to anything not on our list (and being merely advisory about how an allowance gets spent). Oh, and give the other dad some respite.
The cat and kid are mutually well-integrated (and the cat has the kid-tolerance of a dog).
Laundry piles up and that’s life. What, you wanted the green shirt with skulls? Sorry, I haven’t had time to wash the load of greens yet. Here, wear some of my socks instead. The grey shirt with footballs will be just fine.
June 6, 2009 at 6:13 am
underbrella
LML is a three year old in constant motion, so I understand the tiredness thing. In a couple of hours this morning she has been like a whirlwind and every time I’ve tried to do something not focused on her things have gone awry. I sometimes think we are mad adopting Little Sis, keeping up with one tearaway is hard enough.
I take LML shopping with me all the time and try to make it fun for her. She has her own shopping list which she really enjoys. It took a while but now she knows where things are and we play a game where she has to point which object can be found where.
Weekends are for fun, relaxation (though we don’t get much of that) and hopefully catching up with some of the jobs we’ve not be able to do during the week (but not too many!)
cd