Blogging for LGBT Families 2009

Blogging for LGBT Families 2009

I learned late last night that June 1 (today) is Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 and now, here I sit with just about an hour left to crank out a post.  As Florida Evans from Good Times would say…”Damn damn damn!”

Given that it takes me a good week-at-a-time to write anything coherent, this is not going to be easy.  I’m thinking “brief and to the point” should be my motto for the next hour or so, otherwise I might as well just save this post  for 2010.

So here goes…

Who Are We?

For those who are new to the blog (or just need a refresher): We are two 40-something men with one 2 1/2 year old foster son (“T”) and three dogs. T came to us at 9 months old back in October 2007.   Reunification is the current plan for T, but if he were to become available for adoption, we’d do so in a heartbeat.  The parenting/fostering journey has been full of great highs and devastating lows (many of which we have chronicled here), but we continue to press on with the hope that someday soon we can remove the “foster” from our title as parents.

Labels and Categories

I’m the Drop-off and Pick-up dad, the Saturday pancakes dad, and the Boogie Wonderland dad. Juan is the Sesame Street on Youtube dad, the Salamanders Under the Rocks dad, and the Piggyback Rides dad.  We both are Oh My God, This Kid is Exhausting dads.  I can’t speak for Juan, but I have to admit that I rarely think about myself as a Gay Dad.

The Alleged Gayby Boom, Friends and Kids

None of my long-time gay male friends has kids.  I sometimes imagine one of them calling me up to say that he has started his own journey to parenthood. It would be lovely to go through this process with one or more of them, but so far, no one has been bitten by the supposed gayby boom bug.  It would be especially encouraging to see more gay black men in my life become fathers.

The Things We Think About

Old fixer-upper vs. new move-in ready. Urban vs acres.  Private.  Public.  Black, white or biracial. East coast or west. Nap or do. 1 or 2…or 3.


Lately, our weekends have been a drain.  Too much doing.   Too much frustration.  Too much sweating of the small stuff.  I talked to a friend today who is facing the same dilemma within her family.  Her idea…make the weekdays be about work and the weekends about fun.  She plans on doing things like grocery shopping and other chores during the week.  Sounds like a good idea.  Is it possible though?

Two Year Olds and Dogs

T’s new-found independence and desire to be the Master of His Own Universe has had a big impact on everything, including quality time with the dogs. There is none.  This weekend, I felt like I barely looked at the dogs because I was too busy chasing or entertaining the Master. I hate that things have turned out this way.  I miss my dogs and I can tell they miss us. This too will pass.

Five Kids and Five Acres

When we started this journey, Juan and I talked about how great it would be to have a bunch of kids and live in big old house on a bunch of acres. The idea of a house full of kids with lots of room to run outside seemed lovely to me.   But lately, it seems like we can barely make it through a weekend without feeling absolutely exhausted.  And we only have one kid!  How the hell could we manage 2 or 3, never mind 5?

A Suggestion for Anti-Gay Folks

I few days ago, I stumbled upon an NPR segment that, from what I could tell, was somehow related to same sex marriage.  When I tuned in, the host was asking one guest if she was for or against same sex marriage.   The guest sort of muddled through a response, saying that people have a right to choose certain activities.  She said the word with something that sounded like distaste laced with a bit of disapproval.  And then she continued bumbling around a bit more about choice and choosing and the right to be able to make a choice blah blah blah.  She never really did answer the question. 

Anyways, her response reminded me that there is a certain ick-factor that people have about same-sex relationships.  For many anti-gay folks, our relationships are all about sex.   I guess they think we have nothing else to do but boink around like bunnies all day.

Well if they are concerned about our “activities”, I suggest they come up with a new strategy against us.  They should champion our relationships and advocate that we have as many children as possible.  Intimacy and “activities” seem to diminish exponentially in relation to the number of children. 


We talk about doing it.  And then we don’t.  We scout out rings and then get all excited about the idea.  And then we don’t. We watch movies with great weddings (like the one in Rachel Gets Married) and fantasize about our own nuptials. And then we don’t. I’m getting the itch again though.  Juan, are you reading this??

Happy Blogging for LGBT Families Day!