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This year the order of the holiday was a little unhappiness, a serious candy shortage and smashing pumpkins—no, not the slightly fringe rock group from the 1990s.  I’m talking about the street in front of our house on October 31.  Apparently there were a few unhappy trick-or-treaters too. Read the rest of this entry »


Chatter, it’s what I hear over my shoulder from the back seat of the car.  It’s what comes through the monitor when he’s ready to get up from his nap.  It’s what he mutters in between bites of food or sips from his drink at the table.  Lucas has more to say than any other child I’ve ever met.  He is now two years old. He’s getting taller; he’s getting heavier; he is able to do more every day, and he has a whole lot more to say: ick, uck, yuck. Read the rest of this entry »

There is a time for grieving

that time is winding down

I should be less sad

I should find happiness in the here and now

and find a way to overcome the loss of our son Read the rest of this entry »

I was up Sunday night in the wee hours.  I seem to be having trouble sleeping.  It isn’t that I’m not tired; it’s that I can’t turn it off.  Head falls down on the lovely down pillow, on the fabulous 800-thread cotton sheets, on the perfect and new Stearns and Foster mattress, and then the deadly deeds begin to role.  It’s the way he said it, the moronic decision, could have kicked the shit out of them, should be held accountable, best interests of the child, you are failing, failing, failing, dammit pick up after yourself, hate the push and shove on the train, bad behavior begets bad behavior, wild and wicked thoughts about getting back, get back, get the fuck back from me.  I’m dangerous right now.  Don’t be a victim. Read the rest of this entry »

I expect that in about three months our son will be gone—reunited with his biological family.  I ‘m not sure what this means for our family.  For now, we turn again to our beloved little four year-old and begin the process of thinking about how to help him make this transition.  It’s time for his foster parents to put away sorrow for the moment and have adult conversations about the next few months.  Read the rest of this entry »


I am number four of six children born to my parents between 1953 and 1966.  While having that many children today may seem a little wacky, I remember families in my old neighborhood that had even more.  Child bearing was very different back then.  Back in the day, the really odd family was the one down the street with the only child.  As Darrow and I began down this road together, I often wondered just how many children would cross our threshold.  I still have this romantic image of the two of us in this big old house bursting at the seams with little ones.  Read the rest of this entry »

It’s time to pull out the Christmas music once again.  Each year I stash it in the same place on a bookshelf, knowing that inevitably we will be listening to Diana Ross’ off-key Silver Bells, Nat King Cole’s classic White Christmas and the Vince Guaraldi’s sound track to A Charlie Brown ChristmasDecember another holiday favorite, is a collection of somber but beautiful piano pieces by George Winston.  Originally recorded in 1982, it is the backdrop to a lot of my holiday memories growing up.  It makes me wonder why this particular holiday can take on such a sad tone especially in music.  Christmas is supposed to be about presents, and good cheer, and Santa, but somehow it can just as easily take a poignant and melancholy turn.  Read the rest of this entry »


I’m no activist—certainly not the kind to lay down in the middle of the street to be carried off by the police.  I applaud those who are, those whose courage and tenacity in acts of civil disobedience have furthered causes for which there would not otherwise be a voice.  I find myself instead as the quiet protestor—the guy who simply by his existence, without saying a word, takes a stance against the disease of ignorance and homophobia in his daily life.  Read the rest of this entry »

I thought I would try another wordless Wednesday

—though I can never be completely wordless. 

One of the features that distinguishes the boys is their hair 

—it’s part of what makes them fabulous.  Read the rest of this entry »

Fall has officially landed on us in the form of cooler temperatures and pumpkins popping up on porches around the neighborhood.  Summer is beginning to seem like history.  Looking back, it was a good time for our little family.  The boys seemed to flourish.  Read the rest of this entry »

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