We drove to the courthouse in separate cars.
We found parking fairly easily.
We walked to the courhouse separately. Juan arrived before me and was standing outside waiting.
We passed through the metal detectors. I managed to forget that my Nano iPod was in my dress-shirt pocket. iPods/mp3 players are not allowed. The detector did not go off.
We headed to the third floor and signed in on arrival. The caseworkers had signed in already.
We scoped out the waiting area. Initially, no parents. They did show up later but (and this was extremely odd) they did not sit together at all. In fact, they sat in different waiting areas.
We found a spot irritatingly close to three teenagers who didn’t seem to understand or care about their particular legal situations.
We waited for three hours while various people entered and exited the CINA (Child in Need of Assistance) suite, all looking busy and purposeful.
We did not get the attention of the new court-appointed attorney/guardian ad litem, the advocate for T and his sisters.
T’s worker let us know that the hearing was about to start.
We sat in the back row.
We watched, at times dumb-founded and annoyed. At other times, scared and angry.
We listened, sometimes to misstatements – other times, to outrageous, over the top statements.
We learned that the parents are still not done with things ordered in May 09.
We listened as the Master and attorneys on all sides agreed to revisit the matter in June, primarily to allow the parents to complete the May 09 items.
We let it sink in. T is going back to his parents. Come Hell or high-water, DSS is going to make that happen. The transition process (4 months? six months?) will likely start in June. T will probably be gone just around his 4th birthday.
We exited the hearing room.
We got in our cars.
I drove.
I screamed.
I shouted.
I cursed.
I banged my fist on the steering wheel.
I arrived at daycare and gave T an extra-long squeeze and told him I loved him.
We went home.
We cooked.
We read books.
We talked.
We watched TV.
We went to bed.
We woke up and pressed on.
15 comments
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February 25, 2010 at 3:45 pm
Jennifer
Juan and Darrow,
I wish I could say something wise and witty and wonderful and comforting. I wish I could say the “right” thing.
But all I can do is tell you how much we care about your family and that we send you all much love.
Jen, Greg, Ethan and Alec.
February 25, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Darrow
Thanks, Jennifer. What you said was immensely helpful. We love your family as well and it has been great to have you in our lives. And no doubt, your love has had a big impact on T.
February 25, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Christina Kozma
Oh, I’m so sorry. Thinking of your family.
February 25, 2010 at 9:06 pm
jennifer banister
Tears & more tears. The numbness of routine (effective literary tool, btw) does not take away the deep sadness for our family & for T. whose well-being & interests have clearly been eclipsed by a philosophy of reunification–which is a good one, but is NOT one-size-fits-all… You & Juan (& now L.) have given T. a strong and compassionate foundation to help him on whatever path lies ahead. we love you all. hold (one another) tight. j & t
February 26, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Mark
I’m new to your Blog(within the past week or two) and sadly am coming in at exactly the wrong time. I’ve been reading all these wonderful Blogs of parents adding children to their families and almost forgot that the adoption process is a scary one. Your Post is so sad, moving and it really upsets me. I have no idea what you are going through and eventhough I have no clue who you are, I’ll add you to my prayers this evening. I’ll also tell my daughter(6) about you. She loves to pray for people. Maybe God will answer the prayers of a child.
I’ll come back and check you.
m.
February 28, 2010 at 12:02 am
Julie A
I read often but may have never commented. Your family is in my thoughts–we did foster care for a time and had several children move back to birth families but none had ever lived with us as long as T has been with you. Reading your post took my breath away, sent my heart racing and brought back a flood of emotions. Hang in there.
Julie
February 28, 2010 at 6:47 am
underbrella
We are so sorry it has gone this way for you and T and L. You are truly wonderful, loving parents, and T will have that foundation for his whole life.
I want to rail and scream and cry for you all, but that won’t help you at all will it.
February 28, 2010 at 4:30 pm
EG
No words (the only one I can come up with is “no.”) Love. Prayers.
February 28, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Susanna
The system sucks. I have no other words……….I just feel the pain with you.
March 2, 2010 at 5:10 pm
Rant « Mostly Functional
[…] 2 03 2010 I was really sad to read Darrow and Juan’s news regarding their foster son, T, and also filled with a familiar anger and frustration that goes […]
March 3, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Thorn
I just found your blog from underbrella. My partner and I are also trying to adopt from foster care. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. I’m glad you’ll be there for T through whatever this transition turns out to be. I’d be surprised if there weren’t a few more twists and turns before he’s settled somewhere permanently, but I’m glad he has your love and support to rely on wherever he goes.
March 5, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Dan in WI
I’m flabbergasted, having seen the opposite extreme in action as well. I can well visualize the comings and goings and seating and hearing rooms, having been in them myself. But I can’t fathom the predicted outcome, given the (appropriately limited) information you have shared.
Be well and know your family is in the thoughts of many.
March 6, 2010 at 8:16 am
Juan
Thank you all for your comments and support. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that we aren’t agonizing over this little boy all alone.
March 14, 2010 at 11:08 pm
sarah
How lucky T is to have spent at least his first four (most formative!) years with such loving people. The gift you have given him is priceless. To know you are loved and wanted is something that will never leave him. Your family is in my prayers. God has a plan for T. Trust in him.
March 24, 2010 at 11:54 am
Anonymous
Juan and Darrow, I am so very, very sad by this most recent turn of events. This is totally wrong after what you have been through and how you two have loved and nurtured that little boy. We feel so totally helpless out here on the West Coast, not being able to be there for you, as you wind your way through this awful ordeal. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this struggle to keep your sanity. He can never
know how much love you have given him. Love, Gramma Carolyn