train-poem-5

Lately there is this sound in my head.  It’s a low melodic sound, like the rumble on the platform as my train approaches the station to take me to work in the morning.  It feels like an impatient concerto that finds its rhythm simply in the passing of days.  I have felt it since returning to work after our short vacation.  I can’t seem to walk or move or live to any other cadence. 

It was just the other day that I was finishing up my taxes and now the 15th has come and gone and I don’t have to think about them anymore.  It was just the other weekend that we were with family in New York enjoying a few days of vacation.  And now we’re on to another week and I seem to be losing days in between.  Another week has passed, another closer to May 4, the day of the next hearing.  You’d think that Iwould have gotten used to these things by now.  But this isn’t just any ordinary hearing.  It may signify the turning tide in our son’s case. 

For us this has been one long emotional ride, from a legal perspective though, the case really has not seen many ups and downs.  We have moved from one stage of the legal process to the next with little actual courtroom discussion of the case itself.  Decisions have been bartered in backrooms and court orders issued.  There have been no stern words regarding why the children were placed in foster care or that they were determined to be a Child in Need of Assistance (CINA).  No one has been scolded for the length of time that this thing has dragged out.  There has been no real courtroom drama, no witnesses, no antagonism, actually very little has been stated in court.  The facts have not changed, lost opportunities still pile up, our foster son as well as his siblings, continue to be cared for by the same foster parents as they have from day one. 

I don’t believe that anyone can now say, the case is still unfolding, more time is needed for the plan to be achieved.  A few months ago I wrote a post about how everyone had lost interest in the case.  That sense has never changed, but now we are less than two weeks away from court.  This is the time when the parties begin to stir.  Lawyers think about talking to clients, appointments are made, some papers begin to shuffle.  We have contacted our GAL to set a date for them to come to the house to visit with their client, our foster son. 

My expectations are that this is no ordinary train pulling into the station.  My guess is that the tone will be harsher, that the parties will spar, and relationships will become further strained.  I anticipate consternation and condemnation and I think that for a change, courtroom drama will happen.   As always, I’ll begin to get nervous and lose sleep thinking about that day.  It is advancing upon us all, those who have waited, who are ready, who have put things in order, who are more prepared, who have girded up for battle, and those who haven’t.  It’s time.

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