Ok, what the hell happened? Two Wednesdays ago, I was stressing about the inevitable Wednesday visits and all the things that those visits brought to mind. Last Wednesday came and went – as did the visit – and I barely batted an eye. Hands were not wrung. Teeth were not gnashed. And in two days, Wednesday will be staring me in the face again. I’m already anticipating a mental and physical shrug of the shoulders.
So, I’m asking myself…What’s up with that? How did I move from angst to apathy so quickly?
Maybe I’ve subconsciously pulled a defense mechanism out of my metaphorical magic hat. Denial can be a good drug and a bad trip all rolled into one.
Maybe my reaction (or non-reaction rather) is a response to the fact that we get so little information from the caseworker or from anyone about the visits or the reunification process. Last Wednesday, all I knew was T was picked up from daycare, taken to the visit and then brought back to daycare. Oh. He didn’t eat any of his food while he was there.
I didn’t ask any follow up questions. And the way my mind works, I could’ve turned the he-didn’t-eat-his-food report into a sign that T hates the visits and that the reunification plan is about to crumble, but I didn’t even go there. I missed a perfect opportunity to connect dots and make assumptions! I must be slipping.
What’s going on?