Sometimes one of us turns to the other and states, “we have a baby,” as if it has just dawned on us for the first time. On occasion it seems surreal that this perfect little boy is with us.
I know that I have written about how the course of our days has changed; how I am trying to find the right balance; and how hard it has been to fit my old life back into one that includes a baby. I have complained out here in the ether, to myself, to my partner, and maybe even a little to my son. But what I have lost, whatever that was, so pales in comparison to what I have gained. It is almost as if this rare and perfect flower is unfolding very, very slowly everyday before us. Every time he opens in the morning there is another something new there–a color, a petal, a leaf–that becomes a part of our day until he folds at the end of the day. Last night we both watched him eat a biscuit for the first time. He used his little fingers to grasp it, then lift it to his mouth, then bit down and chewed it into little pieces. No one showed him how, he just did it. It was so amazing, so funny, so perfect and it brought my partner to tears.
For both my partner and I, there is a sense of joyfulness that I don’t think we expected. Sometimes just looking at him as he lets out his pitiful cry because he isn’t happy about something–it just tickles us both. The night before last we both went up to check on him sleeping in his crib. Since he tends to move around a lot while sleeping, he was no longer covered by his blanket and was lying on his belly with his knees hunched and his little bottom sticking up. It was beyond cute. It was the kind of thing you hope to store away in your head and re-enact for him on his sixteenth birthday. I have always hated the commercials where the guy is holding a can of beer, a fishing pole and says something like-“it doesn’t get any better than this.” I actually said something like that to my partner the other day. We weren’t standing in some amazing place or witnessing some life changing event. It was just a quiet, happy, peaceful moment that we were spending with our son.