This will be a short entry because I have no time to do much of anything but to tend to the Little King. I actually had breakfast this morning which was a feat in itself. I know I am pushing my luck by trying to write this post but here goes anyway.
I have been the stay at home Daddy since T came to stay with us 12 days ago (wow is that all?). I am home everyday trying to help him adjust and to put some meat on his bones. Between the two of us, one of us will be home each day with him until December when we bounce him into day care.
I love being a dad. I feel sometimes like I am living someone else’s life, not because this doesn’t feel right but simply because it is so different then how my life was just two weeks ago. My focus has changed. My priorities throughout the day have completely changed. I think in someways even my behavior has changed. I feel on guard. I have a little trouble relaxing. I know that I will adjust to taking care of such a small, fragile, new life, but for the moment I am who I am. I am getting better though. The first three nights neither of us got much sleep, not because T wakes up. In fact he sleeps soundly through the night and we have had to wake him up for breakfast. Instead I think my mind was racing, I kept checking him to make sure he was okay–still breathing–what do we still need to get at the store–we are running out of formula–what’s going to happen with his family–I forgot to send my family an e-mail–on and on and on. Now I no longer worry about him at night. I sleep pretty well just like he does. I have learned a lot in a short time and so has he. I think, no actually, I know he knows that he is in a safe place where those loving him and caring for him will attend to his needs. When he first arrived his did not cry, he whined when he was sleepy and when he was hungry. Then he began to cry as the days went by, this cute little sound “gheeeeeeeeee” along with a sad little face. We often broke into laughter because it was so cute. Now he starts off with a cry that morphs quickly into a scream–and what a scream it is. We are not lauging anymore–we get into action: warm the bottle, get the food, where’s the spoon, grab a bib, pick him up, start feeding, hurry! And since he is hungry every two hours it is a sound that I have become very familiar with, just not used to. The reality is that T has figured out how to get what he wants and what he needs. He is a big eater for such a little guy and his weight has increased significantly in just a short while. After such a tough start in life, we are both happy to have him here and be able to watch him grow and develop. I just have to remember that he is doing what he is supposed to when he screams in my ear because his bottle is not yet ready or when there is too much time in between spoonfuls of sweet potatoes.
I love being a dad. My life was meant to be this way.