me wants it
me musts haves it
gives it to me
This baby thing is becoming all-consuming. I eat it, drink it, sleep it and (look away, Juan)…poop it. I can’t get babiesadoptingbloggingadopteessocial- servicesfosterparentingracesiblinggroupsgaydads off my mind. Every moment – every crevice in my brain – is occupied…preoccupied by this whole process. If I’m not on some adoption web site searching for The Miracle Infant, I’m thinking about searching a web site. If I’m not blogging about adoption, then I’m probably composing a draft in my head. If I’m not talking to Juan about some piece of adoption news or information he or I has come across, then I’m probably dialing his phone number or getting ready to send him an email. Heard anything yet? Whatcha know? What’s up?
If I’m not thinking about adoption, then call 911. I’ve probably suffered a head injury.
This obsessing has to stop. It’s not productive and it’s definitely not healthy. Last week was probably the worst. I was one tired, cranky, anxious, jealous, envious, defensive mutha all rolled into one. A baby sighting brought out the Gollum in me for sure.
Awww, he’s a cuuuutieeee! (the preccciioouus)…how old is (the precciiioooouuuusss) he? Two months? You don’t say! (musts haves it!) Look at those beautiful eyes! (PRECCCIIIOOUUUSSS!!)
I’ve got to think about other things besides adopting a baby. I refuse to be like one of those mother’s Juan describes. It’s too easy to lose focus and let the whole process become about me and my wants, my needs, my baby, my my my.
Juan and I talked a couple of nights ago and I think we are pretty much in similar spaces. We talked about a need for “balance”. There’s definitely enough other things we could be working on – yard work, the dog run, painting. Hell, we’ve had the same paint samples up on our living room wall for two years. Maybe it’s time to pick a color and go for it. When we get a placement, we probably won’t have time to do anything but eat, sleep, and…well, you get the idea.
So Juanito, about that dog run…