signs of life

In an effort to avoid cleaning the kitchen, washing clothes, or brushing my teeth, I’ve decided it is much easier to just post some pictures from yesterday.  After just about 6 weeks of staying at home with the littlest one, I’d say yesterday was the most lively I’ve seen him.  It’s about time!  I’m definitely ready for him to entertain me!

making it right

I believed the December 2nd hearing would mark the beginning of the end of our days with T.  His parents had little left to do on their service plan after the August hearing, and it was hard to imagine that the irest would not/could not be done in four months.  Since, at summer’s end, they had done what seemed to be the hardest task, it made complete sense to me that DSS would move things along to the next step – the transition home.

below the surface

This morning, as T stepped out of the car onto the sidewalk, he said “I want to see mommy and daddy”.  His timing could not have been worse.  Just minutes before, I had been thinking about a new blog post – one about our Friday night out at a local eatery and how, for a short time, life felt worry free.  As we chatted with the restaurant staff and munched on french fries and fish sandwiches, DSS, case workers, permanency plans and visits all seemed like things from a distant past.  Friday felt warm and comfortable – almost hopeful.  I wanted to share that feeling in the blog.

short but sweet

he’s here

i’m typing with one hand

he’s sleeping in the curve of my left arm

juan and t went to the store for diapers and formula

t has been an absolute handful in these first 3 1/2 hours

i’m about to put my feet up, lean back in this chair and shut my eyes for a moment

happy sunday!

passenger pickup

This Sunday afternoon the three of us – T, Juan and I – will hop in the car and take a short 15-minute drive.  We’ll head north, turn westward and then exit south for a total of slightly over 5 miles before arriving at our destination.  After a short stay, we’ll exchange Well Wishes and Thank Yous with the residents and then we’ll get back in the car to head home.  T will chatter non-stop in the back.

Where we going? Music please! Where’s you iPod? Volkswagen! What’s that? Daddy! Papa! What are you doing? Music please!!

Lucas will be sitting quietly in his newly-installed car seat, taking in the sounds and blur of images.  We’ll arrive home to Mika, Milo and Rocky who will insist on sniffing everything and everyone.  And then our lives as dads to now two little boys will begin.

a new chapter

Sunday was an important day.  I might even go as far as to say it was monumental, a marker in this 2+ year journey to become a permanent dad.  Sunday, with T’s help – literally and figuratively – we pushed, pulled, dragged and kicked ourselves into a new chapter. 

hope

fuck hope

if you were here today

standing in front of me

i’d punch you in the face

if at random

If he goes, will we stay?

If he stays, will we go?

If he goes,  will this city begin to feel too small – full of shadows and ghosts?

If he stays, will I see his parents on every corner – in every store aisle – at every street festival?

If he goes, will they make him blueberry pancakes on Saturday mornings?

just when I thought it was safe

A month ago, I was wondering if maybe I was just a little crazy for entertaining the idea of another placement from DSS.  Papa – aka Juan – definitely thought so and maybe he was right.

But since then, I had pretty much put the idea to rest…until last night.

Random Thoughts: Blogging for LGBT Families

Blogging for LGBT Families 2009

I learned late last night that June 1 (today) is Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 and now, here I sit with just about an hour left to crank out a post.  As Florida Evans from Good Times would say…”Damn damn damn!”

Given that it takes me a good week-at-a-time to write anything coherent, this is not going to be easy.  I’m thinking “brief and to the point” should be my motto for the next hour or so, otherwise I might as well just save this post  for 2010.

So here goes…