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This morning, as T stepped out of the car onto the sidewalk, he said “I want to see mommy and daddy”. His timing could not have been worse. Just minutes before, I had been thinking about a new blog post – one about our Friday night out at a local eatery and how, for a short time, life felt worry free. As we chatted with the restaurant staff and munched on french fries and fish sandwiches, DSS, case workers, permanency plans and visits all seemed like things from a distant past. Friday felt warm and comfortable – almost hopeful. I wanted to share that feeling in the blog. Read the rest of this entry »
he’s here
i’m typing with one hand
he’s sleeping in the curve of my left arm
juan and t went to the store for diapers and formula
t has been an absolute handful in these first 3 1/2 hours
i’m about to put my feet up, lean back in this chair and shut my eyes for a moment
happy sunday!
This Sunday afternoon the three of us – T, Juan and I – will hop in the car and take a short 15-minute drive. We’ll head north, turn westward and then exit south for a total of slightly over 5 miles before arriving at our destination. After a short stay, we’ll exchange Well Wishes and Thank Yous with the residents and then we’ll get back in the car to head home. T will chatter non-stop in the back.
Where we going? Music please! Where’s you iPod? Volkswagen! What’s that? Daddy! Papa! What are you doing? Music please!!
Lucas will be sitting quietly in his newly-installed car seat, taking in the sounds and blur of images. We’ll arrive home to Mika, Milo and Rocky who will insist on sniffing everything and everyone. And then our lives as dads to now two little boys will begin. Read the rest of this entry »
Sunday was an important day. I might even go as far as to say it was monumental, a marker in this 2+ year journey to become a permanent dad. Sunday, with T’s help – literally and figuratively – we pushed, pulled, dragged and kicked ourselves into a new chapter. Read the rest of this entry »
fuck hope
if you were here today
standing in front of me
i’d punch you in the face Read the rest of this entry »
If he goes, will we stay?
If he stays, will we go?
If he goes, will this city begin to feel too small – full of shadows and ghosts?
If he stays, will I see his parents on every corner – in every store aisle – at every street festival?
If he goes, will they make him blueberry pancakes on Saturday mornings? Read the rest of this entry »
A month ago, I was wondering if maybe I was just a little crazy for entertaining the idea of another placement from DSS. Papa – aka Juan – definitely thought so and maybe he was right.
But since then, I had pretty much put the idea to rest…until last night. Read the rest of this entry »
Blogging for LGBT Families 2009
I learned late last night that June 1 (today) is Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2009 and now, here I sit with just about an hour left to crank out a post. As Florida Evans from Good Times would say…”Damn damn damn!”
Given that it takes me a good week-at-a-time to write anything coherent, this is not going to be easy. I’m thinking “brief and to the point” should be my motto for the next hour or so, otherwise I might as well just save this post for 2010.
So here goes… Read the rest of this entry »
Not more than 20 minutes ago, I had what I’m sure was a moment of pure insanity. And now, as I sit here trying to quickly type this entry, Juan is looking at me like I have completely lost my mind. In a desperate attempt to shut me off, he just clicked the ceiling fan remote control in my direction.
You see, I was loading up the fridge with the leftovers of tonight’s pancake dinner when the refrigerator thermometer fell from its place in the butter compartment. We bought the thermometer about 2 years ago to satisfy one of the requirements for our home study. As I put it back, I had a flashback to those early days of hope and excitement – the warm wishes from friends when we told them of our plans to start a family, our journey into the world of baby/family oriented yard sales, the drive to dc to pick up a free crib from another gay dad and complete stranger. Read the rest of this entry »
I misinterpreted the woman’s worried glance up at the darkening sky. I thought she was concerned about rain and lightening, as she herded her two little boys out of the playground towards their home. The clouds – big, puffy grey ones – looked ominous and the forecast did call for thundershowers. Her agitated tone and hurried gait made sense at the time, though I remember thinking that she seemed a little dramatic. Read the rest of this entry »
