What words can I use for what happened in the courthouse yesterday? Arbitrary, happenstance, a fluke, dumb luck maybe? As we waited in one of the alcoves of the lobby, away from the drama that pervades the rest of the courthouse, we were approached by T’s Guardian ad Litem (GAL) and his paralegal. They said that this hearing was all going to be status quo, that the parents had made adequate progress, blah, blah, blah. And three months later we will come together to ascertain once again that we are no further along in this case than we were last summer, then we were last Christmas, then we were on T’s first birthday, then we were in 2007.
Darrow with perfect timing quickly began to bend their ears. He reminded them that T had been with us now for more than two years. He questioned why at this point in the case no one recognized the significant parent-child bond that T had developed with us. Why is it that an assessment had never been ordered to understand the harm that would be caused in severing our relationship with T. Without this kind of determination, how would anyone ever know the type and extent of mental health services he might need through this transition period? As he mulled it over, it was clear that the thought had never occurred to him and certainly no one had ever bothered to ask us.
With that perfect lead, I quickly took the opportunity to launch into our other huge concern—that his parents have no clue about his medical needs. Through all of his medical ups and downs their involvement has been pretty much non-existent. I expressed how central this one issue was to the core of this case and directly related to the cause for placing these children in foster care, yet no one was paying any attention to it. I suggested that the court order stipulate parental involvement as a requirement for regaining custody of the kids.
At the conclusion of our conversation we hoped that as they retired to the secret backroom where the attorneys gather to discuss the case, that they would incorporate this “new” information into the next court order. It should be acceptable to all parties as it does nothing to derail the plan for reunification. Instead the GAL took the information that we presented to him and determined not only was the status quo not an appropriate course of action, he questioned continuing the permanency plan with reunification as the goal. He would not agree to allow the parents more time to complete the requirements in previous court orders and called for a contested hearing—a trial. One further surprise to us was that BCDSS concurred with this action.
Even after experiencing all of the twists and turns of this case over these many months, I think the developments yesterday left us a little stunned. We were both so certain of the outcome, one that meant T was leaving. Now everything had changed. And why—why was everything different? Because we saw the GAL and spoke up when given the opportunity? Because we provided information that was readily available to anyone that is a party to this case? What if we had not been there or not said anything? It was disturbing to think that these cases are subject to such randomness—that parties go to court seemingly unprepared when children’s lives hang in the balance. It’s as if everyone has lost interest in the case. It was a valuable lesson for us—one that I should have already figured out. Our role is to be the advocate—the ones really looking out for this little boy. And since we are not a party to this case, we must work through the GAL, providing him with the material that he needs to make this case.
We have been here before, back in April 2009 when we were faced with another contested hearing. Neither of us sees this as the answer to prayers, only another odd turn in a journey that has gone on way too long. For now it means that the holiday season will not be marred by the agony of having him begin the process of returning to his parents. We can continue to enjoy our little family without having to assume the worst. And as much as I hate to use the “h” word once again, there it is, undeniable—hope.

10 comments
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December 4, 2009 at 7:53 am
Kay
How random! How strange! And yet… I’m so glad for you. So happy that things may actually be moving in the direction we are all hoping for. Congratulations on this development. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
December 4, 2009 at 9:04 am
jdoh
Where is your lawyer in all of this?
In our case, DSS and the law guardian were pushing for tpr, but as we all know concurrent planning is, at best, difficult. There were still mixed messages, increased visits and loads of uncertainty.
We hired a lawyer as a secondary advocate for our daughter, just in case, those who were looking out for her best interests dropped the ball. He was fantastic. On the day of the trial, he was an integral part of the negotiations. And, he is now representing us through the adoption process.
If you can get your lawyer on board before the next court date, I would highly recommend it. Our lawyer was able to speak to all parties involved to get a sense of where things stood and he was able to make some recommendations on our daughter’s behalf.
Your lawyer may also be able to push for psychological evaluations. We had them done.
Thanks for sharing; I am glad that you will be able to enjoy your family for the holidays. And, I am hopeful for the days after… thanks so much for sharing.
December 4, 2009 at 9:12 am
EG
Wow. You’re right, it is disturbing to think that the fates of children can be influenced by such randomness. What if you and D aren’t as eloquent as you are? What if you didn’t cross paths with the GAL?
But for you and T, I am hopeful with you!
December 4, 2009 at 11:19 am
Knot
Hi Guys,
I’m cautiously optimistic for you.
I also find it totally mindblowing how these poor children are subject to the whims of someone’s random opinion based on such little interaction with the actual children. By the time we had reached our third caseworker in less than six months, she was so far removed from the case, that she seemed to be an advocate for the parents, rather than the child. The child’s attorney never ONCE even made an effort to meet her in person, visit her in our home, or ask us any questions other than our name and address, which he asked for on four separate occasions, as if he’d never met us.
Why hasn’t the GAL visited T in your home? If they are the advocates, why are they not advocating and taking action? Do they really think, that by sitting at a desk somewhere reading a file, they are capable of contributing in a positive way to the case?
I hope, I really, really hope, that your situation turns out different from ours. But, my experience has left me feeling that I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever in these people charged with “protecting” the children. They strike me as the most incompetent people I’ve ever met in my life.
Hang in there, and have a wonderful holiday season! And hang on to that hope. It’ll get you through.
December 4, 2009 at 11:37 am
Amy Wallas
So glad about this development for you. I am an adoption attorney in Georgia. If you do want to hire someone good, I’d be happy to recommend someone in your area. A good place to start is http://www.adoptionattorneys.org
Email me if you’d like more info.
December 4, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Clementine
I have chills reading this. Tears, too. It’s such a terrible process for everyone–for you both, for T.’s birth parents, and for T. himself. Thank god you were able to talk with T.’s GAL…it seems unconscionable that the state hasn’t made a firm decision about permanency planning for T.
My thoughts are with you.
December 4, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Jessica
It’s wonderful that there is some hope! T is very lucky to have you two looking out for his best interests, both emotional and physical. I’m so glad you will be able to relax somewhat and enjoy the holidays!!!
December 4, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Susanna
I am clapping,crying and holding my breath for you guys.
I have mediation and TPR court dates coming up and would like more information about a GAL and an attorney. Who do I ask about a GAL and how long before we can get one? Our dates are in January and February. Thanks for any info.
This journey changes every day………….
December 5, 2009 at 9:06 am
Juan
Yes the randomness is maddening. Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and wishes. It seems like we may have one more shot. Jdoh & Amy–we don’t have an attorney. We tried to intervene in the process with an attorney back in May, but the Master (judge) shot us down. Without being a party, any attorney representing us is powerless to get information and is barred from the negotiations behind the scenes. We are reconsidering our options and may take another run at intervening. Knot–our GAL has been over many times to visit T, but doesn”t seem to be very prepared when we get to court. He usually is running all over the courthose whenever we are there for hearings. He has a lot of cases. I think we know our role now–that is to do the prep work for him, so he can go into court and make the case. And I have absolutely no problem doing that. Susanna–I was under the impression that all cases had a GAL or a CASA. If your foster child doesn”t have one, I would get in contact with your local CASA organization. Here is the link for the State of Maryland:
http://www.marylandcasa.org/
December 5, 2009 at 3:28 pm
srlsfamily
Things were awful quiet here after Wednesday and into Thursday so I was more than anxious about opening my feed when there was a message yesterday. All I can say is…I am hoping with all my might! (and I don’t know you IRL)…good luck.