Reactions, Perceptions, Impressions

I didn’t know just how small he would be

–mind you, he was born full-term, and he is average with a birth weight of six pounds

–his feet, I think, are the most surprisingly small

The Great and Powerful….IKEA

Oh, IKEA!  How we worship your store, its grand selection, its spectacular prices, its quantity o’off-the-shelf, ready-to-assemble stuff.  Oh, great IKEA!  How marvelous thy meatballs; how fabulous thy strange fabric patterns and colors; how helpful thy blue & yellow smocked sales clerks; how mysterious thy potty training powers.  What?  You didn’t know that IKEA potty trains your toddler for you? 

“Just one of the many customer services we provide at our store.”

short but sweet

he’s here

i’m typing with one hand

he’s sleeping in the curve of my left arm

juan and t went to the store for diapers and formula

t has been an absolute handful in these first 3 1/2 hours

i’m about to put my feet up, lean back in this chair and shut my eyes for a moment

happy sunday!

passenger pickup

This Sunday afternoon the three of us – T, Juan and I – will hop in the car and take a short 15-minute drive.  We’ll head north, turn westward and then exit south for a total of slightly over 5 miles before arriving at our destination.  After a short stay, we’ll exchange Well Wishes and Thank Yous with the residents and then we’ll get back in the car to head home.  T will chatter non-stop in the back.

Where we going? Music please! Where’s you iPod? Volkswagen! What’s that? Daddy! Papa! What are you doing? Music please!!

Lucas will be sitting quietly in his newly-installed car seat, taking in the sounds and blur of images.  We’ll arrive home to Mika, Milo and Rocky who will insist on sniffing everything and everyone.  And then our lives as dads to now two little boys will begin.

October 19th–again

It was three weeks ago that I began thinking about this day.  I wondered how we would remember October 19^th.  If we had been able to adopt T, then like other adoptive parents we would have been able to celebrate “gotcha day.”  But we are far from that right now.  The uncertainty that surrounds this time can be a little stifling.  We are very close to adopting a baby, but it’s hard to be happy for the one when the loss of the other hovers over you like a cloud. 

Another mother, another baby

Back in early September when we were presented to the mother that we were eventually matched with, it seemed a bit too quick and a little too easy.  The agency director even seemed a little skeptical about the parents’ resolve.  I told him at the time and have told others as well as myself, that if a mother suddenly changed her mind and decided to keep her baby, it was a good thing.  I don’t want a kid growing up without his or her birth parents even if those parents decide at the last moment to keep them.  The decision to voluntarily give up your parental rights and entrust your child to someone else’s care is immense.  It resonates through your whole life; it’s irreversible and life-long.  It’s a remarkable conclusion to arrive at and in my head I applaud anyone able to make this choice.  You see, that is what I told myself—a very adult response, a very healthy attitude.  But that information left me sitting on the train home feeling agitated and angry and wanting to stop the madness.