I can’t tell you how worked up I got about the hearing on Monday. I felt like I was panting on the inside from being in overdrive all morning. I was glad that Darrow drove to the courthouse. I imagine that I experienced a little of what it means to be manic—energy with no place to go, agitation without relief, mind beginning to climb the walls because there is no tree nearby. As we sat in one of the small quiet lobbies away from the drama that happens in the main waiting room, we both busied ourselves with something to read. I could only manage to read bits and pieces of an auto magazine—mostly I looked at the pictures.
After a brief meeting with our attorney we continued our wait until a group that included the BCDSS attorney, our foster son’s case worker and another worker approached. We were unexpectedly greeted warmly by the attorney, a kindly woman, who took my hand and addressed both of us as if we were part of her family. She had asked to meet us and with our attorney at our side, she reassured us that BCDSS would not oppose our motion to become parties in the case. This was huge. T’s case worker also treated us very differently. She spoke to us in a kind and friendly manner that I had never seen before. There was none of the typically awkward or strained conversation. Over the last few weeks I had spoken to her on the phone briefly a few times and thought I sensed something different in her voice but didn’t trust it. Things were going to be different, in fact they already were.
We were not successful in our Motion to Intervene. After our attorney presented her argument, the Master was very careful in her ruling. She recognized that the attorneys for BCDSS and the children were not opposing the action. She did not agree with the arguments offered up against the action by both parents’ attorneys. As she ruled against the motion, it was clear that to a great extent, we did not succeed because of some missteps made by our attorney in her argument including an inability to demonstrate that we had an interest to protect through the motion. It was a disappointment.
As the hearing progressed it was clear that the room had divided—the parents and their attorneys on one side and on the other side, everyone else. There were two conferences, one in chambers with the Master that just seemed to annoy her, then the other, held in a conference room after the judge told the attorneys to get it together and come up with a plan. In the end, the hearing in structure, was like every other—backroom bartering to produce a document that the Master signs off on. Before the hearing resumed, the BCDSS attorney spoke to the case worker who was sitting next to us. She said in a voice loud enough for all of us to hear, that harsh words were exchanged, that there was some reprimanding going on and that she felt good about being able to express herself. However nuanced her words, it was clear to us that behind the scenes things were different also.
When the hearing continued, we discovered that a new service agreement had been signed by the parties. Unlike other service agreements or plans, this would be incorporated into the court record, and was therefore read aloud in court by the BCDSS attorney. Now that we were at this late juncture in the case, BCDSS had determined that there was a whole laundry list of things including items to be completed this week, that were going to be required before reunification could be achieved. In total the list of fifteen things included one particular clause that basically required the parents to comply with any referrals made by BCDSS. Though the mother’s attorney attempted to limit its scope, the Master was quick to clarify that the language was broad and encompassing any number of things.
We recognized right away that the laundry list was not what it seemed. This was their “To Do” list. While BCDSS would continue to make reasonable efforts, providing resources and referrals, it was all going to rest upon the parents’ shoulders. And they had 90 days. If at the time of the next hearing significant progress had not been made in completing the terms of this agreement there could be serious consequences. The Master in addressing this was not harsh and did not hit them over the head but still, she made the consequences very real.
In a day full of nuanced motions and counter motions and discussion, one thing was clear—this plan was carefully designed. Having seen nothing accomplished in over a year, BCDSS led by the attorney had drawn up the terms. The requirements were easily achievable to a motivated person who wants nothing more than to rejoin their child in their own home. The things being asked of the parents, are the things that any rational, logical person would ask of two people wanting to regain custody of their children under the circumstances of this case. But for T’s parents, the requirements are ominous, not because they are difficult to achieve in such a short time, but because they test the true motivations of these two individuals. Ominous in that the requirements are meant to draw the case to a close one way or another.
I can’t speak to the intent of those who crafted the service plan, but can only infer based upon what I know of the case: since nothing has been accomplished over the last twelve months, I don’t expect the designers of the plan anticipate that anything of significance will be achieved within 90 days. With the right motivation and desire, it is reasonable to believe that anyone could be successful with this plan. Given the history though of this case, I believe that the plan itself may be doomed to failure and possibly by design.

6 comments
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May 6, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Melissa
This sounds like a good development on your part. While I understand that the goal is reunification and that it has to be that way for those parents who either are wrongly in the system or who have just had unfortunate circumstances, to me it seems like the majority of kids in the sytem have parents that are terribly irresponsible. I’m pretty sure, even without specific knowledge of the details, that T will be better off with you guys. You’ve already bonded and that’s important at this age.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
May 6, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Nichole
You have amazing strength to be able to do this. I’ve decided to only do respite care because of this exact situation. It would be so heartbreaking to care for a child for so long and KNOW to your core that you are the best parent for them and then have them taken away.
I so hope he is able to stay with you and be raised by the two wonderful parents that love him so much.
May 7, 2009 at 11:50 am
Knot
…holding my breath…on the edge of my seat.
I remember what it was like to have to wait until the next court date. Most of the time, I didn’t think I could take another chunk of time going on the same, same, same.
I’ve lost all faith in the system after what happened to us. I’m hoping your situation will give me hope for these children again.
May 7, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Juan
Melissa–it is good news but there is no telling how it will all pan out. Nicole–I wish I could take credit for amazing strength, but at this point we are prisoners. Aside from hanging in there and waiting for it all to wind out, our only other option is to give him up (that is no option at all).
Knot–we busy ourselves with taking care of him and us. Though I have to admit I am not sure how I will do during the next 90 days. It isn’t a typical hearing, so I imagine I won’t behave typically. Hopefully I won’t start getting worked up until at least the end of June. As I imagine you already know, it starts to interfere with sleep and emotionally you’re just a wreck by the time the date comes around.
May 8, 2009 at 2:25 am
underbrella
It does feel that some progress is being made. The waiting is going to be horrible but hopefully the outcome will be positive for you and T. As you say, it does feel that the ‘to do list’ is designed for the parents to demonstrate their commitment / competence.
Good luck
May 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Kristine
So glad you posted this. I, too, believe that this is progress, and looks like a step in the “right” direction, that being of T staying with the both of you. Is there any way that you can submit evidence, such as a psychological evaluation of T’s attachment? Some look at a child’s stay with a foster home as short , but in his little life it has been a HUGE amount of time, and especially one at a critical point in his development.
Ninety days seems like a long time…it only means that that’s 90 days of further attaching to his father…YOU.