We have been trying to find the rhythm of this new life that includes a little baby boy. Our absence from the blog is just a symptom of having a child. Lots of things have slipped in the last two months that our son has been with us. The house isn’t as clean, running or any exercise for that matter has been pretty hit or miss. The dogs are a bit more pesky probably because we haven’t mastered how to give them the love and attention they deserve given the needs of the newest member of the family. The rules have changed for everyone–dogs included–and the adjustment phase is on-going. We are much more limited in our free time. There has been a bit of squeezing everything in. For example, we had grand plans to celebrate our son’s first Christmas, decorations, a tree, etc. that only finally materialized just before Christmas. The tree was up with lights on, but we couldn’t seem to get any further than that until just before Santa arrived. And even though it is three days after Christmas about half of the presents under the tree lay unopened, nearly all of them belonging to our son. Between feeding him and giving him his nap and heading off to friends house for an early Christmas dinner we just couldn’t seem to get them all opened. So we’ve decided to have Christmas again on New Year’s Eve, which actually sounds fun.
We bought a more family friendly car, but that didn’t take much effort since my sister graciously sold us her well-loved Subaru wagon. She even drove it from out of state and delivered it to our door. Had it not been for her, I would probably be carting around our new precious cargo in my 15-year old beater Honda. My inability to get even the smallest things done has been tempered some by the fact that we are both handling the primary care giver responsibilities. While one voice or should I say cry reigns overall right now, we have maintained a focus on the other important things, caring for dogs, managing household issues, cleaning when we can, making sure we stay in touch with friends and family. Sometimes though I look at my partner and realize that I haven’t stopped long enough to spend time with him–sometimes for a few days. I admit that I am still trying to figure out how it all fits. I remember listening to a couple who after having a child, eventually split up because the focus had been so centered on their daughter that they neglected their own relationship. We have both been good about staying in tune with each other but then the phone rings or the baby cries or the dog is standing by the door again or I have to leave for work or, the or, the or, the or. It is not hard for me to remember how much my partner has changed my life. What is hard sometimes, is taking advantage of the times that we have for the two of us. We are still getting used to this rhythm.
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December 29, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Sandra Hanks Benoiton
Yeah … welcome to parenthood! It is amazing just how much time a small child can eat.
The routine will continue to fall into place, however, and the hours in the day will expand as everyone adjusts and baby boy grows … assuming, of course, that he’s not completely in charge. (A dangerous temptation for new parents!)
Congratulations once again.
December 30, 2007 at 11:03 am
Dan
Will it really ever settle into routine - or will it just be that you basically organize tasks between major events: birthdays, illnesses, playdates, and as he gets older: School, sports, clubs, activities, lessons………..
I think parents develop a great autopilot and permanent adrenaline rush to maintain the frenetic pace of life. At least, I hope to….
January 3, 2008 at 9:35 am
The Brian
The lack of personal time is one of the biggest shocks to parenting. Fortunately as your baby moves to child and begins to participate more, life will become easier.
If at all possible try to set up a regular date night so that you and your partner can spend some quiet alone time. You’ll be amazed at how spending time away from your kid will make you want to have that kid.
January 4, 2008 at 10:09 am
Juan
Thanks for the words of experience and encouragement. We have had to adapt to other things in our life–moving once, twice, and three times and now having a much longer commute; adding a second and then a third dog to the bunch. I think my expectation was that life would change entirely once we had a child, but in a lot of ways it really hasn’t, at least not in ways that seem stressful. I think the difficulty has mainly been a timing issue and figuring out how to fold everything else back into the mix once the baby is taken care of. The other thing that we have had to deal with is our son’s status as a foster child. That layers on additional complications that I hope to write about in upcoming posts.