a friend i never knew

I closed my office door and shed tears for someone I never knew.

Race and a can of worms

(This post is something I started, slogged through, and then felt ambivalent about once it was done. I think maybe it was helpful in opening up the door to discuss some other issues in my life related to connectedness and culture. I’ve decided to post it anyways) 

After a week of starting and restarting a blog post (it lived in draft form as “Pioneer” for a bit) - after a week of struggling to come up with just the right words – after a week of restless nights and racing thoughts, it hit me some time in the pre-dawn hours of Friday morning.

While you wait…for 3 1/2 years

I found out from our home study worker that our certification date as a foster/adoptive family is actually September 7, 2007. This is four months to the day from our orientation session–our first contact with Baltimore City Department of Social Services (BCDSS). Our worker reiterated how fast this certification has been and thanked us for doing so much work ahead of time. She said that information regarding the next steps in the process would be mailed to us along with our certificate. A continuing home worker would be assigned who would facilitate the placement of a foster child in our home. She said that we could expect a call from the continuing home worker sometime next week.

Certified does not mean approved

No, there is no issue with our certification. It has been two weeks since our home study was completed. We are in the waiting stage, hoping for a call from a social worker looking to make a placement. This is about approval–the acceptance we seek from society and from other people. I remember in high school how critical it was to gain acceptance and approval from your peers. But now that I am an adult, it seems like a strange concept. At this stage, who really cares what you think about me, or my partner or our decision to adopt a child? Well, it’s not quite that simple. 

More on Race

I would like to stir the pot even more on the subject of race and adoption.  When it comes to transracial adoption, there are no examples where the colors are flipped around. African Americans are not adopting white children here nor are they going to Eastern Europe to adopt orphans, it just isn’t something that occurs in our society and if it does it is a pretty rare event.

Home Sweet Home

Today, The Maryland Court of Appeals upheld the state’s ban on same-sex marriage. I had been hopeful that the outcome would be different. It seemed like there had been some positive, encouraging momentum over the past year+. 

Race Matters

 

My brain is jam packed with imaginations of our future life with kids.  Mainly, I imagine the happy moments – that first day when the crawl becomes a walk; trips to the park;  clunky, awkward but fun school performances; pancakes and cartoons on a rainy Saturday morning – stuff like that. Other times, my mind conjures up less pleasant, but nevertheless very real images. I imagine the first tearful moment when some snot-nosed kid at school calls us or our child a fag.  I can see that first and scary trip to the hospital because of a fever or broken bone or allergic reaction.  I remember some of my days as a sulky teenager, and I foresee a little bit of payback as our child approaches the teen years.

Though the images are all very different, there is one thing they have in common. I’ve never pictured our child being white. Never.  Black, yes. Latino, yes. Biracial, yes. White? Nope. Never.

September 10, 2007

As of today, we are certified as a Foster/Adoptive Resource Family with the City of Baltimore Department of Social Services. It is real, it is happening, we are in business. But what does that mean–we are certified. We did everything that was asked of us, and apparently we did it a lot faster than they are used to.

The Fire Inspection

 

Though I have already mentioned the fire inspection in a previous post, I thought that it was worthwhile providing more detail about the experience since fire prevention and preparedness are so important.